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Retired Oil Executives Voice Support for Rumsfeld Andy Borowitz
April 25, 2006 - Responding to the chorus of retired generals who have recently called for Donald Rumsfeld's ouster, hundreds of retired oil company executives marched on Washington today to show their support for the secretary of Defense.

The former executives, members of the Retired Petroleum Titans of America, advanced on the nation's capital in what was believed to be the largest chauffeur-driven protest march in American history.

With their chauffeurs holding protest signs reading "SUPPORT OUR CRUDE" with one hand while steering with the other, the former oil bigwigs demonstrated their support for the man they believe to be the greatest defense secretary ever.

Champ Greeley, chairman of the retired oil executives group, said that his fellow petroleum eminences took time out from their annual golf outing in the Virgin Islands to show their backing for the embattled Rumsfeld.

"I know that the retired generals aren't happy with the job Secretary Rumsfeld is doing, but there are two sides to every story," Greeley said. "As far as we retired oil executives are concerned, things just couldn't be going any better."